I had the most wonderful dream two nights ago. In it, I got married, and the man I was married to was so wonderful and so loving. I could see the love in his eyes, feel the love in his touch, hear the love in his voice. And I loved him too, with all of my heart. I still felt that love when I woke up in the morning and throughout the rest of the day. That dream felt more real to me than "reality" does to me now. I won't ever forget that dream and the love I felt. 

My heart longs to feel more of that love. My heart longs to love, in every way. Being a daughter, sister, and friend is so wonderful. But I would also love to be someone's partner, lover, best friend, confidant, etc. To feel that unconditional love for an other-self is so profound. I got a taste in my dream, and I want more. I would love to have children too, my own, adopted, I don't care. I feel so much love I just have to give it away to anyone who comes into my life or my heart will burst with it. I cannot wait to cross over to the higher realms. And I believe that it is going to be soon. 

I believe that 3D and 4D are pulling apart. The grey area, the overlap between 3D and 4D is coming undone. That's why we are seeing things more starkly. Things are falling into the category of love and fear, with no in-between. Their full separation is coming rapidly. That's why people are experiencing heartbreaking catalysts, major drama, and general life chaos. It is time to make the choice between love and fear. But this is why people who have chosen love are not experiencing any drama or chaos in their lives right now. My brother and I, for instance, have peaceful, serene lives. We see the drama all around us, but it is like we are in our own bubbles, safe from the destruction rampaging other people's lives. We don't have anything left to learn from this fear-based duality (3D). It is time for us to simply be love, which we have been striving to do for awhile now. It's time for us to learn from love, which is what the next dimension is all about. People who don't make a choice will have increasingly fear-based catalysts thrown into their lives as 4D pulls apart from 3D completely and 3D sinks even further into fear. People who have chosen love will move on to 4D. Love is the key to the higher realms. Choose love, and your life will transform for the better. 

My brother and I were talking earlier about being in 3D, while striving and looking forward to something more. And I asked how we accept and enjoy 3D while turning our backs on it and striving for something higher (4D perhaps)? My brother said something that I really liked, and it really resonated with me, in addition to being terribly catchy: "don't worry about the D." We don't have to accept anything. We just have to be in the present moment. That's it. Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, being fully present in the moment is one of the keys to a life well-lived. Finding joy in your present moment is another key.  

I was reading my horoscope earlier, and something dawned on me about my spiritual evolution and the evolution of my horoscope. Back in 2011, my brother found a great website for astrology called Astrograph. My entire life I identified with my Sun sign, which is Libra, and that was the horoscope I read. And I was astounded with its accuracy, month after month, describing almost exactly what I was going through. Then last year I started diverging from the Libra horoscope. In compensation I started looking at the Virgo horoscope, thinking that maybe since I was so close to that sign, perhaps it had some influence on me as well. Then in November of 2012 I heard the term Ascendant sign for the first time. I looked into figuring out my Ascendant sign late last year and found out it was Scorpio. This year I have been reading both Scorpio and Libra horoscopes, but the Scorpio horoscope has been spot-on accurate so far.

And this all got me thinking about Moon, Sun, and Ascendant signs as counterparts to the stages of growth in the Archetypical Mind. You start out unconscious, and you identify more with your Moon sign horoscope. This corresponds with your physical energetic body. Then you progress to your subconscious mind, and you identify more with your Sun sign horoscope. This corresponds to your mental/emotional energetic body. Lastly, you progress to your conscious mind, and you identify more with your Ascendant sign. This corresponds with your spiritual energetic body. By becoming conscious, you are ascending out of the darkness and remembering who you truly are: a divine being having a human experience. Your life will truly transform once you have that realization.    

My brother and I stayed with my mom for a week, and it was a very educational week too. I learned something very valuable about myself: I am still trying to save people, and I know that I cannot "save" anyone. The best thing I can do for anyone is to continue to spiritually evolve and expand my consciousness. And to love and accept everyone unconditionally. Because I want to be free of 3D. I really do. I am ready to cut the remaining cords that are holding me here. My brother's ready to be free of this level too. We were around a lot of fear, negativity, and drama while we were at my mom's house (and other places as well). 

Tomorrow we are starting a day-to-day journal where we write down everything we think, say, and do for a couple of days. We want to see where we might have old patterns of belief, judgment, or expectation hanging around so we can cut the cords on the small things. The big things we have been working on, but it is the small things that get overlooked. And a lot of small negative patterns can add up to big trouble, as you can sabotage your spiritual evolution. Small cords can hold you back, siphoning off the energy you could use to propel yourself up to the next level. And we are determined to make it to the next level, whatever the next level is for us. Everyone is on their own soul path with their own lesson plan. 

I still believe that there could be a split in the timelines/realities: people who are ready pop up to 4D, and those who aren't stay down in 3D to undergo some serious catalysts to force change. You can bury your head in the sand all day long, but the winds of change are blowing fierce around us. I would rather face the change than pretend like it is not here. If you are not changing and growing, learning and evolving, then what is the purpose of your life?

I wanted to share a concept that my brother and I came up with yesterday. It is called MyD. Instead of 3D, 4D, 5D, whatever dimension/density that you are talking about, you can just say MyD for where you are right now. Because frankly, we are not even sure at this point. I have a lot of wonderful experiences and see a lot of beauty in the world. I experience a lot of peace and joy. But then I also see pain and suffering all around me, people really struggling with life and who they are. So are we bridging two worlds? Maybe, but putting labels on everything is so damn exhausting. So to describe where we are at right now, we say I am in MyD. That is all that is important. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I am doing what my soul incarnated here to do and am on my highest soul path. 

I know these sayings are true. Not because they are in The Bible, but because I have found them to be true in my life. In my life, when I have really wanted something, desired it with all of my heart, I have gotten it. When I have sought answers to my questions about life, the universe, and everything, and I then sat in the stillness and listened, my questions were answered. But the key is our conscious participation. We cannot just sit back and let God do the work for us. God loves us unconditionally. But God also gave us freewill, so we are free to make our own choices, and thus through our will, these choices create our reality. 

When people say we were created in God's image, they think that it means God must look human. That could not be further from the truth. God is Divine Consciousness, and so too we have a spark of that as well. We are God in form. God wanted to experience Itself, so It started creating. God loves all of Its creation because it is all a part of God. I say It because God is everything. Everything comes from God. So God loves everything in creation unconditionally. Including us. We are the ones who judge, not God. God loves. That is a fact. And so do we. Our natural state is love. Once you embrace love, your life will change dramatically. You will remember who you are, and your life will never be the same, because you will start making choices from your heart. Your reality will reflect your heart-centered choices, and you will just know how God could never be anything but love.  

We are in the process of ascending from the third density/dimension/realm to the fourth and into the fifth and beyond. Ascension is what is bringing about the Golden Age on Earth. Earth is ascending and her children, humanity, are going with her. The only requirement is love. That is your golden ticket. LOVE. It is as simple as that. When people talk about the end times or the end of time, do not be afraid. It will be the end of time, the end of linear time, the end of time as we know it now. But it is the beginning of NOW time, living in the eternal present moment of infinity. 

Embrace the Golden Age with open arms. It has everything to offer you, and there is nothing to be afraid of. Tell me, do you really want to continue the world as it is today? Mass corruption, billions in poverty and squalid conditions, homelessness, disease, greed, mass murder, war, hatred, prejudice, violence. If not, all you have to do is open to love and know that the Golden Age can begin any moment we all choose to live in love instead of fear. I promise you that love will not only change your life but the world as well.  

Lisa Harrison has some new interviews up on her website. Check them out. I love Lisa. She is trying to shine a light on all of the darkness. But I am really having a problem with her Collective Imagination project. I know that we cannot have 4D while we are still in 3D. It is impossible. They are not energetically compatible. We are 3D beings; therefore, we must be in 3D as well. And we are here to have 3D experiences. 3D is about polarity: light/dark, good/evil, positive/negative. We experience this polarity, accept it, understand it, and integrate it. Only after all of this hard work, this inner work, can you even be ready for 4D. 

I am beginning to think that the Avatars and Wanderers that came here to assist Earth and humanity with the transition to 4D are just sick of 3D and want it to be over with already. Believe me, I understand completely. But all you have to do is look around to see that many people are not ready for 4D. For whatever reasons, there are many people still asleep at this time. They don't want a different world, a better world, 4D. They don't want things to change. And they have the free will to stay asleep. These people cannot be helped at this late hour. The people that can be helped are those on the precipice of change, those who are on the threshold of 4D. We can only love those still asleep. But I don't fear for them anymore, like I used to, because they will get back to Source in their own time.   

In addition, you have the Illuminati/Cabal, and though most people view them as evil, what we don't acknowledge is that their choice of service to self (negative) is just as valid as a choice of service to others (positive). What makes anyone think they are going to just stop doing what they are doing? They won't, because their path generates energy. Though I choose to serve others and generate energy another way, I also acknowledge and accept and love those serving themselves. That does not mean I agree with what they do, and it does not mean I cannot act in ways that counteract theirs. I have simply stopped giving them my energy. I don't even think about them anymore. They are merely players in the divine drama, as are we all, but they are not the Director. 

What we can do, and have already done, is make the transition to 4D easier. Every act of love, every positive thought, every moment of joy, creates a ripple in the Collective/Planetary Consciousness. Each ripple affects those ready to receive it, and then they send out ripples, and so forth, and this is slowly but surely raising the Consciousness. By living my life with love, honesty, integrity, and compassion, I am changing the world. I don't have to imagine it, I am doing it. People don't have a clear understanding of the Universe and how it works. There is much I do not understand, but I do know that there are certain types of energy we can wield to manifest our reality: thoughts, words, and actions. Action is the one with the greatest kinetic energy.

This is how people like Jesus and the Buddha, and more recently, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. achieved the greatest amount of positive change: their actions spoke louder than their words, or their actions created more momentum. They were showing us the way. All Lisa and the rest of us wide awake need to do is follow their example. No Collective Imagination is needed.    

This is something that I am striving to do, though admittedly it is very hard at times, especially when there are many people around you living their lives in fear and trying to push you back into 3D. My mom is the biggest culprit. She lives her life in fear, and it is impossible for her to fathom how anyone can choose the path of love. I have tried to tell her how I got to where I am now, really share my truth with her. I have been very open and honest with her. But she just does not understand. I have no desire to live my life like that anymore-to get a job and have money and possessions and what? That life is meaningless to me. Since I have come to Tennessee, I have learned so much about myself, and I have been able to help so many people in ways I never could have otherwise. I did not become a Wanderer to help myself! I came here to help humanity and the Earth make their transition to 4D. I already had my 3D experiences somewhere a long time ago. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't care. It is my truth, and that is why I will not allow anyone to tell me what I should be doing with my life. I know in my heart what I came here to do, and it is my sincere desire to do that, and to stay on my soul path. That is why I am not having many experiences anymore-now that I know who I am, doing what I came here to do naturally flows from that knowledge and 3D is falling away. It is happening quite rapidly. My biggest obstacle is staying true to myself despite what anyone thinks, says, or does. Even family. True unconditional love means loving someone for who they are and allowing them to be themselves and follow their own path. This has been a hard lesson for me as well, as I too have struggled to accept that everyone's path is different. But it is just the same. The Universe is infinite. 

I am reading The Law of One: The Ra Material again (this is my second time), and I am getting so many new insights into myself. I was pretty certain I was a Wanderer after I read Dolores Cannon's book The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth. But I knew I was one after reading The Law of One for the first time. In a way, I am sorry I only recently discovered this book. But I know that the Universe only gives us information as we are ready to receive it, so I was not ready until now. This book has been the only book that has resonated with me 100%. I feel it is as undistorted a spiritual text as we are ever going to get here on this current third density Earth. I really feel like Ra was coming from a place of love and acceptance of all other-selves and genuinely wanted to help people. I have been an outsider of the 3D experience my whole life, always looking on from the sidelines, wondering why everything seemed so "wrong" here. Always wondering why I was different. Knowing what I am has made a world of difference and explains why my life played out the way it did. I was not supposed to get caught up in the 3D experience. I already had my 3D experiences, 4D, and maybe even 5D. Ra said most Wanderers are from 6D. 

Questioner: You spoke of Wanderers. Who are Wanderers? Where do they come from?
Ra: I am Ra. Imagine, if you will, the sands of your shores. As countless as the grains of sand are the sources of intelligent infinity. When a social memory complex has achieved its complete understanding of its desire, it may conclude that its desire is service to others with the distortion towards reaching their hand, figuratively, to any entities who call for aid. These entities whom you may call the Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow move toward this calling of sorrow. These entities are from all reaches of the infinite creation and are bound together by the desire to serve in this distortion.

Questioner: How many of them are incarnate on Earth now?
Ra: I am Ra. The number is approximate due to an heavy influx of those birthed at this time due to an intensive need to lighten the planetary vibration and thus aid in harvest. The number approaches sixty-five million.

Questioner: Are most of these from the fourth density? Or what density do they come from?
Ra: I am Ra. Few there are of fourth density. The largest number of Wanderers, as you call them, are of the sixth density. The desire to serve must be distorted towards a great deal of purity of mind and what you may call foolhardiness or bravery, depending upon your distortion complex judgment. The challenge/danger of the Wanderer is that it will forget its mission, become karmically involved, and thus be swept into the maelstrom of which it had incarnated to avert destruction. 

Questioner: What could one of these entities do to become karmically involved? Could you give an example of that?
Ra: I am Ra. An entity which acts in a consciously unloving manner in action with other beings can become karmically involved.

Questioner: Do many of these Wanderers have physical ailments in this third-density situation?
Ra: I am Ra. Due to the extreme variance between the vibratory distortions of third density and those of the more dense densities, if you will, Wanderers have as a general rule some form of handicap, difficulty, or feeling of alienation which is severe. The most common of these difficulties are alienation, the reaction against the planetary vibration by personality
disorders, as you would call them, and body complex ailments indicating difficulty in adjustment to the planetary vibrations such as allergies, as you would call them.

How do you deal with the feelings of not belonging and alienation? On top of feeling the intense pain and suffering, in addition to the fear and lostness of the people on this planet at this time. And Mother Earth's agony too. And then I feel this intense responsibility to do something to help, though what that something is, I really don't know for sure. I am struggling with depression on a near daily basis these days, while trying desperately to "be the change I want to see in the world." It is an epic battle playing out almost exclusively in my head. But I will valiantly march on because I know I will win in the end. Or hope that I do. Is there anyone out there feeling this way too? Wanderer is an apt term considering that is an exact description of how I feel.  

Images haunt my brain
I want off
This runaway train
I am going insane
Each day bringing me
Closer to the abyss of despair
Too sad to shed any tears
Too busy trying to beat back
The rising tide of my fears
Demons rising out of the mist
I urgently clench my fists
Tired of running
I turn and face the army
I will no longer
Give them the power to harm me
My body stands erect
My mind goes quiet
Silent, still
Nothing moves, breathes
The only movement
Is the movement of my will
It is churning with strength
With justice, passion, and determination
To win this war
To be my highest self
To be the person
I know I can be
Facing the demons
Is the only option for me
I won't give in
To the insanity
I won't let them win
I am the master
Of my destiny 

I know things are going to happen this year for the Earth and for humanity. And we are the ones we have been waiting for, but only up to a point can we really do what needs to be done without some help.

Yes, we can learn and grow and evolve spiritually. And we can let true unconditional love fill our minds, bodies, and souls, letting it inform everything we think, say, and do, but we are still in 3D. So we are veiled, though some people have managed to permeate it to greater or lesser degrees. And we can only do so much and be so much with the veil. This is how 3D was/is supposed to be.

3D is about polarity. It is about positive/negative, good/bad, right/wrong. This is the density where we are supposed to polarize and make the choice: service to self path (negative) or service to others path (positive). And I have made the choice and so have others, but the vast majority of people now have not. 

Regardless of whether you go on to 4D or have to reincarnate into 3D again somewhere else, it is all okay. Each person’s journey to the Creator is unique, and that is how the Universe was designed–to maximize experiences for the Creator. I have finally stopped pushing people in my life; finally accepting that everyone’s path is beautiful. If someone asks for my help, I will gladly give it. But if not, then I will love them as they are.

I don’t believe that anyone will evolve faster than they are meant to, and that is how it should be. Many of us who are awake most likely are probably not even reincarnated humans but came from other planets as Wanderers to help those on the fence, people who are on the verge of making the choice. For the rest, we are here to love them and accept them for who they are.

But why is it wrong to think that we could use a little help from our friends (positively polarized ETs)? It only seems fair, what with all of the negatively polarized ETs running the show here for so long. It is as if they have put a second veil upon humanity with their diabolical planning, deceit, and disinformation. Can people make the choice if they have not had the free will to do so? I ask myself this question every day, walking a tightrope between acceptance of things as they are and wondering about the fairness, the justice of it all. 

I am not saying wait for anyone to save us, and I do believe we should strive our best to live our values, but it is not easy being 4D in a 3D world. It takes a large amount of will. All we can do is strive to be our best selves and hope for the best. To live spiritually and to envision that everyone gets to a better place someday. Whether that be in seven months, ten years, one thousand years, we will all get to a better place eventually, no matter where we are now.

I have had/am having a mental meltdown. I don't know what or who to believe in the media (mainstream or alternative). Everyone says something different, and it is near impossible to get the truth about anything that matters. If you want to know about Kim Kardashian, you can find a wealth of information. But if you want to know about what is really going on with Fukushima (the nuclear power plant that is still not contained over a year later in Japan), the world economy, anything having to do with the Middle East, the sun, strange explosions in Nevada and California, etc. etc. you have to really look around, and still, what can you believe? Who really wants us (humanity) to know the truth? I am beginning to wonder who is really on our side. And what about 2012? It is impossible to get any kind of consensus on what is going to happen this year. I know there are tons of possibility/probability vortices, and I know a lot of them are bad. I know some of them are good too, but...it is so hard to see how we are going to get out of this one. Maybe the Illuminati are surrrendering because they know the Earth is fucked...I am trying so hard not to get depressed and am failing miserably. On top of this, I am trying to live a 4D life in a 3D world, and it is just not happening. 3D and 4D are not at all compatible. I am finding that many things that used to bring me joy and comfort no longer do, and that sucks, because I really need all of the joy and comfort I can get right now. I would love to bury my head in the sand right now. I want to take the blue pill so bad. Worst of all, I am supposed to be helping people. I am a Wanderer, and I left my wonderful 4D/5D/6D life to come here and be love/light, act as a shepherd/beacon, and to spread wisdom. And most days I just want to run and hide in a cave. How's that for "enlightened?"  

And to top all of this off, I am convinced that a lot of the people that claim they are here to help people are really not helping. In fact, some are disinformation agents, and some have let their egos run amok with their good intentions. Most of the rest are subconsciously colluding with the system that is THE single biggest jail cell in the Universe (aka Earth). I want to feel differently. I want to have hope for humanity. I can't right now. I do feel compassion and love. I feel the pain of my other selves here. It sucks! I know we all get back to Source one way or the other. But I really feel that a lot of people are going to be taking a long and dark journey that they don't have to be taking. All that is required to change things for the better of EVERYONE is a collective extracting of heads from arses. We are all supposed to be advanced souls here on Earth. What the hell happened? Needless to say, I am exerting tremendous amounts of energy trying to stay calm and centered. My emotions have been like a runaway train for the past few weeks. I am constantly praying to the Universe to give me the strength to fulfill what my soul came here to do. I need it!